Is Stay-at-Home Motherhood Right for You? 4 Key Considerations
As I’m writing this, I am one month into my second transition to staying home with our kids. Yep, you did read that correctly. We’ve decided on two separate occasions that staying home makes sense for our family. Despite the same conclusion, me staying home, our circumstances have been wildly different both times.
However, the things we’ve considered both times have remained the same.
We all know finances play an important role in this conversation, as they should. I’m skipping finances for this conversation though, because while it’s important it should not be the only consideration.
The 4 things you should consider in addition to finances are:
1. Do you WANT to do this? If no, but it’s still necessary, is it indefinite?
I’m adding this here because YOUR choice should always matter and be considered. The first time I stayed home I absolutely did NOT want to stay home. But, it was financially necessary. So, Craig and I discussed what would need to change in order for me to return to work. When the circumstances changed and the metrics were reached, we jumped at the opportunity.
This time around the circumstances are different. I’m leaving the work force somewhat voluntarily. Craig’s position is requiring an across the state move, which necessitated me resigning my position. However, I will not be pursuing a new position once we move. While I still border the want to/don’t want to be home line, we using this opportunity to test out homeschooling the kids and grow my career as an author and coach.
We did still have conversations around what would need to occur for me to return to a full-time position and will regularly re-evaluate where we are.
2. Changing Family Dynamics
The shift from two working outside the home parents to one full time caregiver is a big one. The dynamics of the family will shift and you will want to consider the impact when deciding to stay home.
Things that typically become more unbalanced are the household upkeep, relationships with the kids (and each other), personal time, and so many more.
We have one stage-5 clinger kiddo (everyone does, right?) and the way our relationship with her changed during each transition has surprised us. When I stayed home initially, I was the primary parent for the twins from birth. They always went to mom first for everything.
However that began shifting when I went back to working outside the home in 2022. Isa began going to Craig for things more willingly and would have fewer meltdowns if it was dad helping her.
I wish I could tell you our shift back to me staying home hasn’t changed that… but that’d be untrue. So far we’ve seen huge regressions with parental favoritism with each kid. Even when both of us are present, the kids will turn to me first and it sucks for my husband.
We knew this would likely happen though and we’ve built in some ways to ‘‘battle’’ this.
We’ve been doing one-on-one dates with the kids for years and we are using them for the kids to get quality time with dad (and mom). Every week the kids go on a 1:1 date with dad and/or mom and that gives them a chance to connect with us.
If you’re experiencing these changing dynamics too and want to add intentional connection in, check out our family and solo dates freebie.
3. Do you have a support system?
This is important for momming in general, but even more so when you are home solo with the kids.
I’ve always stressed that a support system is not ‘'just’’ about having family close by, but rather having the right people around you to truly uplift you. A support system can include anyone you want it to. Be it family, close friends, a moms group, a babysitter, hobby group, etc. they all count.
Yeah, it’s nice to have help with the kids when you need it, but it’s also about having people there that you can count on for YOU. Do you have chances for adult conversation? Are you able to do things that you enjoy (with or without the kids)?
Raising children isn’t something we should do isolation, and our community counts as a part of the ‘‘village.’’ Consider what resources you have around you in your community.
Do you have access to free and low-cost resources? Parks, libraries, play spaces, museums, zoos, places that YOU want to venture to with your kids.
Access to kid friendly locations makes getting out with the kids easier, gives you a chance to interact with other moms and build your support system.
4. Quality of Life
This is a big one, and yes finances will come up.
The question is usually: Are you able to maintain your quality of life on one income?
It’s a valid question, but I’d like to pose it this way too: How will your quality of life change with one person at home?
This opens it up for a pros and cons view at being a one income household (and I mean primary income here, #sidehustles and #workingfromhome for the W).
For example, we want to travel with the kids and that’s not really feasible with both of us working outside the home.
Craig’s job is very flexible with PTO, however, mine was not and would not be as a teacher. Schools are not flexible with missed days of school (for employees OR students) and even worse, missed days at preschool equals wasted money.
Because one of our family values is connection and our goal is to travel as often as possible, our quality of life is improved by me staying home.
To recap, make sure you consider finances AND:
If you actually want to stay home
Family dynamics changes
Support systems
Quality of Life
Current Stay-at-home moms, what would you add to this list? What do you wish you would have discussed before deciding to stay home?